Below are three different zones in what we call the “Behaviour Window”. We use the Behaviour Window to help us categorise everyday problems into areas so that we know how to respond and use the right parenting skills and techniques for each situation.
We’re focusing on this right at the beginning of this program so you can start recognising and categorising problems and using this understanding to apply the right tools. The reality is, the majority of the time you are responding to problems in a way that don’t help you or them solve it. Identifying who owns the problem can relieve the pressure on you to always have a solution, playing umpire or going around in defensive circles.
The behaviour window is a simple concept to help you categorise or slot every day issues into areas so that you can use the right skill at the right time and get maximum effect.
The three zones in the behaviour window are:
- Child owns the problem (or the other adult)
- You (the parent) own the problem
- There is no problem – The no problem zone
Some of your child’s (or other adult) behaviour will be acceptable to you and won’t cause you a problem, however, the child’s attitude and body language indicate the child has a problem.
For example, your child gets in the car after school upset or your partner has come home from work stressed out by their boss.
In this situation the behaviour would be placed above the line of acceptance, and above the No problem area (because there is a problem), and in the Child/Other owns the Problem area.
Over the next couple of weeks, we focus on developing skills such as empathy, acceptance, active listening which will help you to encourage and build skills for the child/other to resolve their own problems and become more resilient.
When there are behaviours that are acceptable to you and there are no indications that the child/other has a problem, the behaviour can be placed between the two problem areas in the Behaviour Window, known as the No Problem Area.
Throughout the Peaceful Parenting program we will show you ways to enhance your relationship with the child/other while you reside in this area.
When you feel un-accepting of the behaviour, you, (the parent/individual), own the problem, and we place this in the lower part of the Behaviour Window.
Being self-aware and clear about the problem their behaviour creates for you means you can take positive steps to change the behaviour so that it becomes acceptable to you, such as confronting the problem, using your influence and knowledge of the problem to raise the child/other’s awareness.
In module 4 of the Peaceful Parenting program we will step through an approach on how to change the unacceptable behaviour without damaging the relationship.
Here’s are some scenarios to get you thinking and help you to begin your practice for this first audio…